Visit Turns into Strange Encounter with Wild Creature

Shell Lake, Wisc. -- A local man has seen his share of strange events during his time on earth. He’s even heard his share of unbelievable stories, including when a friend of his, who we shall call “Rick Bents,” ate some hallucinogenic mushrooms and had a conversation with the burrito he was eating. But what Mark Simpson saw last Saturday was one of his strangest encounters.

The pleasant Saturday afternoon began quite normally. Simpson had purchased a couple of lunches to go from Becky’s, and he brought them to share with his mom. Mary Isham is a resident at Terraceview Living Center, and although she loves the institutional chow served there, she enjoys a break from her routine. Little did she know that the break would include a snake.

They had finished a pleasant time eating lunch and discussing the current political landscape with her son when another resident stopped by to chat. The resident turned to go to her room, when she stopped cold.

“I heard her say that there is a snake in the hallway,” Simpson said. “I thought that maybe she ate too many mushrooms for lunch, went insane, or mistakenly saw an extension cord.

In this fictional recreation, members of the Terraceview Milia apprehend the fugitive snake.

“But she seemed pretty convinced that a snake was indeed in the hall. Being the hero that I’m not, I went out to investigate. Sure enough, a giant python was crossing the hall, and I immediately wrestled it into submission. Just kidding. It was just a baby garden snake.”

Simpson captured it under a waste-paper basket and was going to take it outside, but a much-braver Terraceview employee picked it up and showed it to several residents, some of whom mistook it for a cow. Theories about the snake’s origin abounded. Some people thought that it just came in from the cold. Other people thought that it was meant for the bird cage and got out.

It was certainly a strange, new chapter in Mark Simpson’s life. The next chapter happened just the next day, when both of his fantasy football teams won.

Until next week, wear your Mary Isham Gazette colors with nonpartisan pride!